The fake snow machine broke again/Someone spiked the eggnog with gin/You walked in like you were the theme/With a girl dressed like a Walgreens tree/I smiled like “Sure, this is fine”/Then chugged a mimosa and crossed the line/Told Alexa “play something cursed”/Then made this pool party so much worse  

Pre-Chorus 1

They said “Don’t go in, the chlorine’s high”/I said “So am I watch me fly”/Grabbed a reindeer float and screamed "divine!"/And dove like it was showtime 

Chorus 1

Now there’s tinsel in the pool/And regrets in the deep end/You said “let’s keep it civil”/I said “depends on who she’s sleepin’ with”/The lights are shorted, the tree’s on fire/And someone called your mom/There’s tinsel in the pool/And this party is gone 

Verse 2

You said “we can still be friends”/Then slipped on a candy cane shot glass end/She said “are you okay?” real smug/So I poured punch in her designer mug/I rewrote the carol lyrics wrong/Taped your gift to a plastic swan/Unplugged the speakers mid your toast/And blamed it on the Christmas ghost

Pre-Chorus 2

They said “don’t make a scene”/I said “this is the scene”/Then lip-synced “All I Want For Christmas”/While you cried into the string beans

Chorus 2

Now there’s tinsel in the pool/And vengeance in the chlorine/I wore heels on wet tile/Like a sexy disaster queen/The reindeer’s flat, your pride is too/The elves are judging you/There’s tinsel in the pool/And I’m not through 

Bridge

Was I petty?/Yes/Was I right?/Also yes/Did I knock the nutcracker in for effect?/You bet your wet little Yule log I did

Chorus 3

There’s tinsel in the pool/And a candy cane crime scene/Your girl’s fake lashes floated past me And they still looked mean/So Merry This, and Ho Ho Who?/You ruined July, I ruined you/There’s tinsel in the pool/And it’s permanent, babe.